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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in aunt_becca's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
8:54 am
ugh
Another city that I call home has been a target of a terror attack.
Fuck.

Current Mood: stressed
Monday, April 15th, 2013
2:25 pm
side effects
I joined the shuls' team for the Walk for Hunger.  It's holding me accountable to get off my ass and exercise, in addition to being an important cause that deserves to be funded and highlighted.
Since committing to do so, I have started exercising more. I got new sneakers, have been working out and stretching a lot more, in addition to my ongoing PT. My goal is to have this continue, as I aim towards my fitness goals. My plan is to be in better shape so that we can start expanding our family.

Interesting ide effects of my new regimen? Increased motivated, improved self-esteem, feeling more in control of things. And blisters. Lots of blisters on the ball of my feet.
Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
12:04 pm
andale! andale!
I joined the shuls' team for Walk for Hunger.  Bought new sneakers, and have been exercising more.
However, I do have some limitations.  I continue with PT for plantar fasciitis and achilles heel nonsense.  I ice myself every day, stretch, take anti-inflamatory meds- and I am still swollen.  It'll take time to get back to normal.  The physical therapist recommended that I do between 6-9 miles, so I don;t do too much too fast.  I never expected to do all 20 miles.  At the same time, I feel kind of lame that I can't do it.  At least it's something!

Current Mood: blah
Monday, April 8th, 2013
6:39 pm
stupidity
stupid, overprotective parents drive me up a wall.  Seemingly intelligent people can turn insane when they think that somehow their perfect children may possible get their feelings hurt by normal child interactions. Or get a scrape on their knee.  Or be sad for a minute. Disappointments happen.  Kids move on after 10 seconds. But what they learn is how to not deal with their feelings, or how to appropriately navigate/negotiate social situations.
Hmm.
Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013
8:21 pm
pathetic
I got a very generous gift certificate to Amazon.com for my birthday.  Sad thing is - I have abolutely no idea what I want.  I don't "need" anything, and I certainly don't have room for anything in our shoebox of a condo.  I ordered a new siddur, but so far, that's it.  Perhaps a nice, luxurious bathrobe would be nice.  What I really want is a professional massage (or two), new windows for our place, a huge cash windfall without someone dying, and a bigger condo or house.  But yeah- not happening.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Current Mood: blah
Monday, March 18th, 2013
10:03 pm
hmmm...
-my Hebrew birthday and English birthday fall on the same day this year.    If it fell on Monday, all 3 would coincide. Whoa.                                                                                                                                                                                                           -we did a mitzvah yesterday, and delivered Pesach packages to some elderly in our area.  They loved Ben.  They gave him chocolate, told him he "vas a goot boy!"  He was so excited to do mitzvahs and to help for pesach.  He is extremely enthusiastic about Pesach,a nd has been talking about it since we started the book of Shemot months ago.  We're on Vayikra and he's still all about it.  Like we have dramatic re-enactments of Pharoh, Moses and Aaron,  the 10 plagues, and the Israelites being slaves.  I can nly imagine how he'll be when Pesach is *finally* here.
Friday, March 15th, 2013
4:29 pm
really, now
If I see one more post, one more snarky meme, one more musing about how the Pope is a racist, homophobic, bigot, and that the Catholics who were excited to find out who their new spiritual leadrer is are just pathetic sheep, I'm going to scream.  This whole week has been a forum for people to rail against oganized religion in all it's forms, and to make some pretty harsh statements regarding those who are religious.
Thursday, February 28th, 2013
3:45 pm
not good
My grandmother is being evaluated for hospice.  She's considered "failure to thrive."  She won't eat.  She takes her teeth out and refuses.  And since she signed a document that only allows for palliative care, meaning no NG tubes of need be....this is where we are.
My parents make her soup, bring her milkshakes made with Ensure.  PT can only go so far when you're this frail.
Dammit.
Tuesday, February 12th, 2013
6:11 pm
feed me!!
Ben is eating like a starved lumberjack.  or someone who has the munchies.
I assume he's going to grow a LOT at any moment, because based on the amount of food he's packing away, that can be the only explanation.  It's like the Coneheads around here- CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES!"  
He's skinny as can be, but eats like a teenage boy. Gd bless him :)
Sunday, February 10th, 2013
10:13 am
really?!
December- a week of the flu, the likes I have never experienced.  Followed by a raging sinus infection.
January was okay for the most part, although I'm pretty sure I'm developing a wheat sensitivity.
February- yep- if I don't have strep, I'll be surprised.  if we can drive out of this tundra- that's right, the fire station cut trough isn't plowed- I'll go to the Minute Clinic for a test.
Holy shit, these past 3 months have really sucked.  and the meds that work raise my blood sugar. awesome.

Current Mood: annoyed
Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013
11:53 am
where I confess I'm raising an evil genius.
It's been cold here in Boston.  Like Hoth cold.
Ben has discovered that when Mommy or Daddy get off of a chair or couch, the spot they were sitting in is warm and toasty.  So- I'm reading last night on the couch.  Ben comes over and says to me "I'm asking you so nicely if I can sit where you are sitting."  "Ben," I say, "I'm sitting here.  You can sit next to me and we can snuggle if you'd like."  Ben- "But Mommy- when you get up, your seat is warm, and I like sitting in warm seats.  If i can sit where you are, I'll be SO warm and toasty.  And I'm asking you nicely, really, I'm not kidding."   (he's into saying "I'm not kidding"  or "just kidding" these days).  I explained that I would then be cold, and asked what we should do about it.
So we compromised and took turns.  And we snuggled, too.  Everyone's a winner, I suppose.

I am such a sucker sometimes.
Wednesday, January 9th, 2013
3:40 pm
he makes me crazy sometimes
-My once terrific eater has decided as of 2 days ago, that he doesn't like anything.  I teased him about it, because when he asks for food, and then rejects it because he doesn't like it, despite demanding it 5 minutes earlier, yeah- you're being ridiculous. I told him yesterday in the supermarket that I'd make him a delicious hot bowl of Nothing for dinner.  He thought that was hysterical, and we played that game for a few minutes.  We'll see how long this lasts.  He'll eat Morningstar chicken patties, cheese, bananas, and that's it.   I don't want to refuse to make those things for him, but at the same time, I'd like to give him something different.  He won't die if he *gasp* eats a new food.  Although you wouldn't knopw it by his reaction.  I guess if this is my worst problem, things aren't too bad.


-Also-  his penis is a source of amusement for him.  He'll drop trou to flash us, will sing to us how he wants to show us his wee-wee or his butt, and uses this kind of language whenever possible.  I am aware that this is normal (I asked the doc, as well as some pre-school teachers), and I'm doing a good job not laughing because I really don't want to encouarge him.  Boys.......
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
3:44 pm
shit
My grandmother fell and broke her hip.  She's 91.  she had surgery. The mortality rate for elderly with hip fractures/breaks is quite high.
Pesha Leah bat Bayla Rivka

Her husband, my grandfather, is 94, and not only has cancer, but is non copis mentis  Dementia is terrible.  And don't get me started on the fucked-up family issues this is raising.  Avraham Yitzckak ben Asna.
Thursday, December 6th, 2012
3:29 pm
Me me me.....validate me!!
I posted on FB how a little validation goes a long way.....

I still suffer from a lot of insecurities about a lot of things, especially when it comes to my job, and my abilities as a parent.
I had 2 situations yesterday where I doubted myself (for no good or valid reason), and really, I had no reason not to worry.  The amount of time I spent ruminating about it was truly wasted.
  The first was involving a difficult client, and my conduct during a very intense meeting.   Long story short, I spoke to his BT (behavioral therapist) afterwards, who told me that I handled it like a champ, and it is exactly what she would have done. Woo-hoo!  Compared to everyone else here, I am truly a novice, and I often feel behind in a lot of ways.  Nothing in my performance, im my interactions with others has given me that data, it's just how I feel.  So go me!!

  The other deals with Ben, who, just as an aside, is the most amazing 4 year old EVAR.  But I digress.  There were parent-teacher conferences on Tuesday.  I knew exactly what they were going to say (or so i thought).  However, the teachers really surprised me with their observations.  Apparently, Ben is the "go to kid" if they need helpers in the classroom, if they need a child to make room for someone else during circle time, and, he is often one of the first kids to go over and check things out of someone is upset or sad.  He has been doing fantastic with using his words when he's upset, rather than yelling.  And they told us that his default mode is silly and sweet.  Seriously? That made my day.  I got a little teary after we left.  We're raising a mensch. 
   I had some concerns, after an interaction I had with someone in the Fall.  This person made some observations about him, and then asked me if there were "services" at his school.  Now, if he is even in a position to need them, fine.  He may at some point- Rich has dyslexia, and used to need help with writing.  So did I.  So, Ben may need to get extra help with writing (although he writes really well, and his teachers do not see any issues here.  Plus, he's 4). It was more that this person was suggesting that his social interactions were way off base for a 4 year old.  And this, folks, had me in a tailspin for a good month or so.  I started to compare him to other kids.  A lot.  I got really frustrated if he wasn't doing things "right," and I was sure that there were some latent issues that were about to come to the surface. Nope.  His pediatrician told me the same thing as his teachers.  It's kind of like when he was 1.5 years old, he had an aversion to certain textured foods, and to certain objecs with different textures.  I immediately thought he had autism or some kind of PDD.  His doctor smiled and said that "sometimes, they just don't like things.  Not everything is an issue.  And things change.  No, he's fine, and please trust me when I tell you he's just as he should be."
  I asked his teachers of they had any concerns that they wanted to review with Richie and me, and they said "no.  He's a delightful 4 year old and we love having him in our class."

Sometimes getting a little bit of validation from professionals is exactly what's needed.....
Friday, October 19th, 2012
11:48 am
Achdus PSA
Telling people that is is assur (forbidden) to go into a certain Orthodox shul is not the best way to promote any kind of Jewish unity.

the more you know.
Monday, October 15th, 2012
3:14 pm
awwww........
One of Ben's morahs (teachers) had a baby, and bris was today.  One the way to school, this is our *conversation:

Ben: Is Morah Yael coming back?
Me: Yes, in a month or so, she'll be back.
Ben: does she miss all of her boys and girls?  We're her yeladim (children).
Me: I bet she does.  You are all so much fun to be around, and she always tells me how smart and funny you all are.
Ben: Can we buy the baby a gift? Like a cookie or new pajamas?
Me:  sure! what a thoughtful idea!  we can ge the baby some new jammies.
Ben: (long pause) Can we buy Morah Yael a coloring book and crayons? I don't want her to miss us so much.  I don't want her to be bored at home.


holy crap he is to freaking sweet sometimes!!!!



*this was after he brought a new Venom to school in order to play with his bestie, "so he won't be sad."
Monday, September 24th, 2012
10:14 am
Eulogy
 Here's the eulogy that the Rabbi wrote.  he met with my parents and my dad's 2 sisters for a while, gathering info and getting to know my grandma.  There will be more stories to come.  This is long, but worth the read.  Grandma was definitely one of a kind....


the complete eulogy...Collapse )
9:01 am
BDE
Most of you know, but my grandmother passed away on Rosh Hashana.  I'll post her eulogy in a little while.  I wound up calling home on yontif, as I knew what was going on.  Just came back fromt he funeral, which was lovely, as far as funerals go.  Many the neshama of Faiga Miriam bat Moshe v'Malka have an aliyah and may we all be comforted by our memories of her.  She was one sassy lady!!!

Now we're trying to get back to life and all of the assorted things that are going on around us.
To quote an old Depeche Mode song "I think that Gd has a sick sense of humor."   I'll explain later.

Current Mood: exhausted
Monday, September 10th, 2012
10:42 am
so...
summer has come and gone.  ben continues to amaze me in more ways that I thought possible.  he is such a bracha.
he is also extremely frustrating and challenging, which is pretty typical for 4 year olds, from what I hear.  I hope so, because there are days i want to sell him on Ebay :)

Tomorrow marks the anniversary of our trip to the ER, and our journey into the world of having a child with a serious medical condition.  All I can say is Baruch Hashem, it has resolved, and that Children's Hospital will always hold a very dear place in my heart. 
Tomorrow is also 9/11, and I will not be watching any TV or reading anything to do with the attacks. I had nightmares for weeks, couldn't sleep, and was so completely anxious for the first few weeks after.  Like most NYers, I had been there before, had friends who worked there and who were running fown the street for safety. I know someone who was presumed dead until they found her in rubble.  I think they need to have a warning before they show the towers collapsing on the news. I look forward to the day where we can truly live in a a wolrd where our enemies do not seek to destroy us,  where goodness prevails over evil, and a sense of shalom is in the air.
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
4:00 pm
these moments
there was a tragic and unexpected death of a shul congregant, someone who I have known for like 15 years, and who I've become a lot more friendly with over the past 6 months.  It's thrown a lot of us off, to say the least.
I went yesterday to dropm off some food, and to make a brief shiva call.  Since I had Ben with me, my plan was to stay for 10 minutes- he had snacks, and would be fine for a short amount of time.  It was after school, arund 5pm, which is always a crap shoot anyway.
We went inside, and I explained to him that we were doing a mitzvah by bringing over food to people who were sad.  The daughter babysits for him, and I prepared him that hannah may be sad, and he should try to be nice and smilt at her. "okay!" he stated.  "I like doing mitzvot!"
After we went into the kicthen to drop off the food, we made our way into the living room.  Ben saw the husband, sitting on the low stool.  Husband imemdiately says to Ben "what's in the goody bag?"  (birthday party at school that day).  Ben showed him a book, a little puzzle, and some other cheap toys.  Ben proceeded to read his book to the husband, and to the other people inthe room.  "Read" is very subjective.  It was more of a description of the pictures.  Hannah was napping, and eventually came out.  Ben showed her his toys, then flirted with some 20-something women who were there.  He was his usual charming self, made a lot of peole smile with his antics.  As we were leaving, he noticed a few tzedakah boxes/containers.  Now, he's all about tzedkah.  He loves giving it, and I have been explaining where the money goes.  We also buy canned food for food banks and I let him drop it in the collection buckets.  Ben, in all his innocence, goes over to one of the containers, removes a dollar, and put it in the more traditional-looking pushka (we later replaced it!)  He announced "this is because poor people do not have money for food and toys.  That's why we give tzedakah.  Then they can eat and play, and then they won't be sad anymore."
Seriously, I almost fell to the floor.  His interpretation of tzedakah and chesed is so sweet.  Some of the visitors thanked him, and off we went.  When we got to the car, I gave him a huge hug, and explained that he did a huge mitzvah by visiting mourners.  I explained what a mourner was.  He told me he was a mitzvah boy and that he does mitzvot every day at school.  He also said that he didn't want the husband and Hannah to be sad anymore, and maybe we could go back another day to play with them.
My heart is overflowing with pride.  It may not seem like much to you, but to me, to see how seriously he takes tzedakah, and to see his character traits developing, is giving me such nachas.


and as an aside, the newly chosen Rabbi was there during shiva.  He was in town and went to pay a shiva call.  Whatever issues there are, there is no denying he is a true mensch.
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