hard couple of hours
Ben had a fever today. I took him to walk-in hours, and they told me it's a viral illness, and what to do to prevent dehydration. Beause he has been so sick in the past, I am an old pro with these protocols.  Phyllis watches Ben on Wednesdays, so I went home, dropped him off, and went to work.
Ever since I got home, he has been crying and/or inconsolable. This is not Ben. he truly is the happiest baby you will ever meet. He won't eat. he won't stop crying. He is clearly uncomfortable but spit out the motrin drops.  He wouldn't fall asleep, so I let him fall asleep on me, and tried to transfer him to the crib. He woke up and screamed like I have never heard him scream before. Tried to feed him, he ate not even an ounce and spit out the bottle. He's exhausted. So, I put him in his crib, shut the door, and let him cry for a few minutes. Hr seems to hav stopped crying and I can hear him snoring.
He gets sick all the time. The ped swears up and down that it's daycare, and that half of the practice are babies like Ben. But it still scares me.  He literally has had a runny nise since November. No joke. I saline his nose everyday, forego the aspirator at this point. It's the fevers that scare the shit out of me because they can signify either a minor viral issue, or a serious bacterial issue, and FUCK NO I can't handle another hospitaization for him. I am totally stressed out. Richie isn't home, and besides, there's nothing we can do because we're doing everythin we can.
Today was such a stressful day and this is the icing on the fucking awful cake that is today.  I finally stopped crying, will shower, and watch bad TV until Richie gets home.
I get so scared that something will happen to Ben. What if his kidney issues don't resolve? What if he gets another infection and has to stay hospitalized for another 2 weeks?  What if Ben is scared, too? Does he think mommy and daddy have abandoned him in his room when he feels so yukky?