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| Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 | | 11:51 am |
whoa
One of my clients asked me if I am a cancer survivor. She is an aethetician, and told me that she knew I was wearing a wig. "It's a good wig, but I know it's a wig" she tell me. She then told me about alternative cancer treatments. usually, I don't talk about any personal issues, but I did tell her that I am not in fact a survivor. She didn't believe me at first. Now I'm incredibly self-conscious about how I look (even more so than I usually am). | | Sunday, July 5th, 2009 | | 8:41 am |
more goings on
I picked Ben up on Thursday at daycare. The teacher informed me that Ben was bitten by one of his classmates. A 1.5 year old with a taste for human flesh bit my baby. She told me in detail what happened, the protocols as to how to handle it, and showed me where he was bitten. Ben had teeth marks on his right forearm. Skin was NOT broken, but he had a bruise. "How badly did he react?" I asked. He didn't cry. At all. He just pulled is arm away. Whoa. We're talking about a kid who screams bloody murder when I wipe his nose. But a bite on the arm? No problem! The more I've been thinking about what happened, the more questions run through my mind:
1- do I need to rough-up this kid's mom to send a message?
2- do I need to break this kid's playpen to send him a message?
3- will Ben turn into a zombie as a result of this bite?
4- Is it so wrong that I wanted to throttle the assailant? Because my first impulse was to throw that kid across the room when I found out.
Nobody hurts my child. I know it was an accident, and I know kids will do this. This boy doesn't have any history of biting, btw.
But if a single hair ever gets hurt on Ben's precious little head, I will resort to unleashing the Momma Bear wrath. I will fuck you up.
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We had a lovely shabbat. No guests, nor were we invited anywhere. Richie and I decided that we need to be better about inviting guests, especially if we're not invited out as much anymore. As much as we like each other, we like other people as well. Did that come out wrong? You know what I mean. Anyway, we're limited in how many we can invite, as Ben's pack-n-play takes up a lot of space, but if me move stuff around, we can manage 3 guests. So I will start up again with guests. It's hard, because I do the cooking and shabbat prep, and I am wiped a lot of the evenings. But that's no excuse. So I will become "the hostess with the mostess" once again :)
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we're off to a cookout today at the Miller's. The smell of burgers yesterday was making me crazy, and I am so excited at the idea of eating charred meat. Plus, we really like Mere and Danny, and we're excited to catch up with them. We had been invited over a year ago to a Saturday night D&D thing at their house, which happens a few times a month. We would go watch what was going on, and chat with everyone in-between moves. I have never, ever played it before and am clueless. And we felt that we were distracting to the players. That, plus a baby who goes to bed at 7:30pm makes it impossible for us to go. Which is a shame, because we are big fans of those who go to game night. Guess that's what happens when you have a munchkin. But it's all good. But I digress. Grilled meat. Mmmmmm...... Current Mood:  content | | Monday, June 29th, 2009 | | 9:21 am |
I swear I'm going to set this place on fire.......
I'm having a Milton moment. I was using a chart in the back room of the nurse's station. There's a big round table, sits 8 people easily, where we can all work. I had a chart open, a pad and pen out, and my water next to the chart- all signs that any intelligent person can deduce that that is someone's work space. I got paged and went to a phone to answer said page. When I came back, my stuff was moved, the chart was closed, and my pad and pen were thrown across the table. Oh, did i mention that the entire table was EMPTY except for my stuff? Fucking genius couldn' sit on the other 8 seats or on the other side of the table. MY space was the one she HAD to sit at?! Are you fucking kidding me?! So I very noisily gathered my things, disrupted her work. Why? because I don't give a shit. If you're going to be that dense, then you will suffer the consequences. She looks up and says "Oh, were you sitting here?" Really. How fucking clueless can one person be? I swear I'm going to burn this place tot he ground. But I'll make sure to take my stapler. | | 8:08 am |
| | Wednesday, June 24th, 2009 | | 1:25 pm |
Tornado aka Ben
I was informed yesterday afternoon at daycare than Ben had been violently pulling his ears, and crying to the point where he was inconsolible :( He also refused to eat because he was in pain. Oy. I took him home, gave him some tylenol, and he calmed down for a while, but he then started crying like I have haven't heard since he had a spinal tap when he was 2 weeks old. He could not be comforted, and was super kvetchy. Finally, after drugs, orajel (that made it in his mouth. He spit it at me), and a cold teething toy, he was able to de-escalate. I brought Ben to the doctor's today. We got there early for the walk-in hours, and were waiting in the hall for the office to open. He decided to give a lecture about something extremely important, as he was talking up a storm, having a lot of inflection in his babbles, and looked very serious. They opened the door to the office and commented that they thought htere were 5 babies out her due to all the noise :) As soon as we got into the waiting room, Ben started babbling, singing, and making his usual racket . The office manger walked by, and Ben looked at her, raised his arms up, and wanted to be held by her. Wha? He's never met her, but okay...... She played for a minute or two with her and then went back to me. A little girl, about 1.5 years old came toddling in. Ben immediately leaned towards her, gave her the biggest smile I have ever seen, was giggling, cooing, being Mr. Charming. Her dad smiled at me and I asked him if they were long lost relatives, because he was acting like she was his bashert. It almost killed me with cuteness. Kid's a damn flirt!!!! He was seen by Ellen, (the NP who he LOVES, and she kinda adores him as well). As soon as he went on the exam table, he somehow managed to wrap himself up in the big roll of exam paper. Then he started rolling on the table, taking a LOT paper with him. Then down came the blood pressure cuff because the kid's got a tight grip and is lightning quick. He destroyed the office in less than a minute. That's my boy!! She was able to subdue him long enough to look in his ears, and there is no sign of an infection. She believes his ears are hurting him due to teething. Ben's gums are super swollen and he has been teething something fierce this past week. In addition, he sounds like a 3 pacjk per day smoker, which is largely due to allergies. he coughs so hard sometimes that he vomits. He can't take anything but benadryl for the congestion, and she confirmed that this is "normal," given his history of colds this year. When the exam was done, she played with him for a few minutes, and then we left. But the exam room looked like a tornado hit it, and I realized that Ben now leaves a path of destruction wherever he goes. We have been to the doctor's so many times this year, that I think they need to create some type of rewards program. "Come 9 times, the 10th visit's free!" or something to that effect. Either that, or put in a wet bar. Current Mood: relieved | | Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 | | 3:18 pm |
| | 8:09 am |
the part where we're supposed to be adults
I'm pretty sure I'm at that age where I have zero tolerance for the clique-y, high-school-esque bullshit. I'd like to think others would have the same point of view. But no. And as much as I've matured over time, it still bothers me to be overlooked, or to have seemingly pleasant conversations end because someone "better" comes along. It happens at work, hell, it even happens at shul. Whatever. I'll just be an adult and hope that sense gets knocked into some very thick, clueless heads. | | Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 | | 5:56 pm |
philosophical type question
I was going to post this in a weirdjew community or two, but I didn;t want to be called an idiot. Instead, I'll let you, my friends, call me an idiot :) A recent discussion about religion, and if course Gd came up a few times :) Then I got thinking: Are Jews and Christians worshipping the same Gd (just done in different ways), or are we talking about different Gds here? My Christian friends beleive that Jesus isn't Gd, and they're pretty adamant about that. "Jesus is Jesus and Gd is Gd" is what we've aften spoken about. | | Monday, June 15th, 2009 | | 8:33 am |
oh what a night
all rightey..... We were awakened by loud coughing coming over the baby monitor, around 1:15am. We waited a few minutes, and then Richie went in to see what was going on. Ben was sound asleep, all snuggled on his tummy with his tushy in the air, but coughing like nobody's business. He was asleep! Didn't open his eyes once. So, we decided to keep an ear open for him in case Bad Things started, and went back to bed. He wasn't struggling to breathe, no labored breathing like when he has RSV, and since he has a pretty bad post-nasal drip, we decided to just let him be. Except then I was awake, thinking about all of the horrible things that could go wrong, and I started having a major anxiety attack. Terrible, terrible anxiety attack. So I took 1mg of ativan to try to relax me and encourage sleep. It worked, and I slept until 6:30. Ben, who usually wakes up at 5:45am to eat, did not wake up. It was Richie's night to feed him, and he told me that Ben was snoring away. I had to wake him up at 6:45am to feed him. He's fine. he spit up in the middle of the night- dried veggies were caked onto his sheets- but he is otherwise right as rain. When does the worrying end? I know, it never does. I have to figure out a way to manage my anxiety in a better way. Pills are fine, but it's not a long-term solution. Hell, if I had access to pot, I would have smoked some. Desperate times and desperate measures. But it's been a very, very, VERY long time since i did that, and I didn't want to start searching the streets of Brighton for a score. Hopefully tonight will be better. | | Thursday, June 11th, 2009 | | 8:12 am |
| | Wednesday, June 10th, 2009 | | 8:59 pm |
thinky thinkinstein
-so much has been going on!!! Ben's amazing us every single day and giving us a run for our money. And lots more grey hairs.
-We've been seeing a lot of family lately. Unfortunately, my nephew's birthday party is this Saturday, so we won't be there. I'm quite sad about it.
-Rich and I are going through the pains of financial difficulties, like so many of us out there. We'll make it through, but that doesn't mean I haven't had my share of sleepless nights.
-I've had a few mini breakdowns, most of which resolved on their own, others requiring the help of benzos. But I'm in check, and things haven't gotten out of hand.
-internal religious conflicts continue to be a part of my daily life. Struggle is healthy, it keeps you thinking and analyzing. At least that's what I tell myself.
-The ugly, green-eyed monster called jealousy continues to rear it's nasty head when I least expect. It's a part of me that I hate. I'm a good person and I can't stand when I covet. It's a horrible quality in me. Shit happens, I guess.
I've had my 10 year anniversary at work (which reminds me, I have to pick out my gift). Over the past 12 years as a social work intern and licensed social worker, I have seen some truly unbelieveable things- I have seen the abused, the abusers, Holocaust survivors, Vietnam vets, WW2 vets, Pot Pot regime survivors, victims of unspeakable physical and sexual abuse, people from "good" families, whose brains have become their worst enemy, people who survived major suicide attempt, people who eventually didn't survive suicide attempts, tremeduous success stories, epic failures, pleasantly delusional and psychotic people, violent and non-endearing psychotic and delusional people, mentally retarded and mentally ill adults from all walks of life, have been assaulted, threatened, called every name in the book, been called Rachel, Roberta, Bick, Becky, Stephanie (?), seen people who fried their brains due to drugs and lead really fucked up lives as a result, worked with peole who should have stayed on the other side of the door and who were as impaired as the patients, questioned my own sanity....and 95% of the time I have loved my job. Current Mood:  thoughtful | | Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009 | | 7:46 pm |
hard couple of hours
Ben had a fever today. I took him to walk-in hours, and they told me it's a viral illness, and what to do to prevent dehydration. Beause he has been so sick in the past, I am an old pro with these protocols. Phyllis watches Ben on Wednesdays, so I went home, dropped him off, and went to work. Ever since I got home, he has been crying and/or inconsolable. This is not Ben. he truly is the happiest baby you will ever meet. He won't eat. he won't stop crying. He is clearly uncomfortable but spit out the motrin drops. He wouldn't fall asleep, so I let him fall asleep on me, and tried to transfer him to the crib. He woke up and screamed like I have never heard him scream before. Tried to feed him, he ate not even an ounce and spit out the bottle. He's exhausted. So, I put him in his crib, shut the door, and let him cry for a few minutes. Hr seems to hav stopped crying and I can hear him snoring. He gets sick all the time. The ped swears up and down that it's daycare, and that half of the practice are babies like Ben. But it still scares me. He literally has had a runny nise since November. No joke. I saline his nose everyday, forego the aspirator at this point. It's the fevers that scare the shit out of me because they can signify either a minor viral issue, or a serious bacterial issue, and FUCK NO I can't handle another hospitaization for him. I am totally stressed out. Richie isn't home, and besides, there's nothing we can do because we're doing everythin we can. Today was such a stressful day and this is the icing on the fucking awful cake that is today. I finally stopped crying, will shower, and watch bad TV until Richie gets home. I get so scared that something will happen to Ben. What if his kidney issues don't resolve? What if he gets another infection and has to stay hospitalized for another 2 weeks? What if Ben is scared, too? Does he think mommy and daddy have abandoned him in his room when he feels so yukky? | | Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009 | | 8:16 am |
arg!
I lost my voice. again. I'm losing the war on pollen. Stuff's doing me in big time this season. Hard to work when most of your job includes talking to patients and making dozens of phone calls. Current Mood:  aggravated | | Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 | | 8:00 pm |
| | Monday, May 25th, 2009 | | 9:05 pm |
| | Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 | | 10:07 pm |
GLEE!!!!
see it. that is all. Current Mood: cheerful | | Monday, May 18th, 2009 | | 5:26 pm |
oh what a weekend!!
such a busy, busy weekend......
Friday afternoon, the BU Schol of Management had it's garduation ceremony at Agganis Arena. The place is huge! They blocked off half of the arena, because it can hold like 20,000 people. We sat in press boxes, which were considered "handicap" seating. The box next to us was reserved for the guest speaker's family. Guest speaker? Alessandro Benneton. Anyway, it was me, Monkey, Richie's parents, his sster-in-law and the 2 boys, her father, and one of Richie's friends. The ceremony was your typical grad school ceremony. I had more fun hanging with Ben and my nephews. Jack, who is learning to read, was excited that he could read some of the letters on the scoreboard and Jumbotron. There was an amazing reception afterwards, but since the ceremony didn't end until 6:45pm, by the time we walked over to the reception, I had to go in order to make it home for shabbat. Richie stayed later, and walked home. I don't know if you've ever been in the BU fitness center, but holy cow, that place is unbelieveable!!! The reception was on the basketball court. If I could use those facilities, I'd go at the drop of a hat. Anyway, parents joined us for dinner, and then I crashed.
Shabbat morning, we went to lunch at the rabbi's house. Dani and Shira are moving to California. I am still in denial. We've become very close over the past 2 years and I am just beside myself. Plus, Eliana always grabs Ben and pets his face when she sees him. It kills me with cuteness. Anyway, Michal wanted to to something for them ,so she asked me to coordinate a date to have a lunch at their house. Turns out that everyone who I invited was able to attend, so all in all, there were almost 30 peope, including kids. It was so much fun! Plus, there was a sheva bracha at desert. I felt badly for Alexis, because Ben was sitting next to her nad he was getting a little kvetchy, but after he ate, he was fine. he also went downstairs and took a 2 hour nap. Damn! Kid never sleeps like that for me!!
Sunday was the main BU graduation. I was supposed to meet up with my inlaws. Right. At the grad chool graduation, it was almost impossible to find them. Multiply that by 1500, and that's the amount of people who were going to Nickerson Field. So wouldn't you know that as I walked to the stadium, who turns the corner and almost walks right into me? My in-laws! Perfect timing. We sat in field seating because it was handicap accessinle, which we needed for the stroller. I must say, I really enjoyed the ceremony. A frum kid from Newton was the student speaker. Larry Bird and Steven Speilberg were among the honarary degree recipients. Very cool! People went crazy when Larry Bird got his degree. Same with Spielberg. Rep. Capuano spoke. Now, I was expecting a bunch of crap during his speech. Boy, I was wrong. He started by saying "a lot of you objected to my being the keynote speaker, because I wasn't popular or interesting enough for you. If that's your biggest problem in life, consider yourself lucky." FANTASTIC!!!! He honestly was inspirational. In the midst of all of the hubub, which included a dog wearing a graduation cap, I had to change Ben. The only hard surface, other than the ground, were te folding chairs on the field. So, Phyllis distracted him while I changed his diaper. No easy feat for a kid who insists on wiggling and turning at every possible moments. He laughed throughout the entire thing, and when I lifted him up ina ll his nakedness in order to get his pants on, a fellow mom came by and nodded to me. Guess I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, to change their baby in front of a crowd of 100,000 people.
After graduatin, we went to Taam China 2. There w10 of us, including kids. Ben ate chinese food for the first time. Sort of. He "ate" rice, tofu, and a piece of chicken. Some did make it into his mouth. He still gags on solids, but he's slowly getting used to thm. Thank goodness. I can't wait until he eats normal food. He wound up covered in rice, had some in his eye and in his ear, but he was perfectly content.
I am exhausted. I am also thrilled at what a wonderful weekend we all had.
Current Mood: content | | Sunday, May 10th, 2009 | | 7:51 am |
ER adventures
Friday afternoon, he had a low grade fever. I called the doctor's office, who told me to give him tylenol and observe. since it was low grade, there weren't any immediate concerns. At 4:15 Shabbat afternoon, I changed Ben's diaper. I noticed that his belly was hot, so I took his temperature. 102.6. Since he's squirmy, and I wasn't sure if this was accurate, I rechecked with a different thermometer. 102 reading. Given his urinary reflux issues, a fever can mean really, really bad things. I called the on-call doc (MDOC), told her the details and she recommended that we go to the ER. Okay, so it's shabbat, and my first thought was "okay, I'll walk to St. Elizabeth's Hospital." Then I started thinking- they have nurses who know pediatrics, but given he has always been at Children's Hospital, we should go there. The MDOC told me that it didn't make a difference, but then she started talking about potantial overnight observation, and since he'd be transferred to Children's Hospital, I made the decision to take him to CH. The plan was to go to CH, have a urinalysis done to determine whether or not there was a UTI, and hopefully go hme after that. I put Ben in the car and drove to CH. Now, when I was pregnant, I learned about getting to the hospital on Shabbat. Little different now with a baby. I can't hop in a cab. I rememeber learning that you're not supposed to turn he car off, but honestly, keeping a car running at a city hospital is dumb to the nth degree. Luckily, CH has valet, so I just left my car at valet and scurried into the ER. He was seen pretty quickly, initially. After getting his vitals, and hearing the clinicial info, they sent us to the ER waiting room. (an aside- one of the nurses remembered Ben from when he was admitted in 9/08. She remembered me, and she rememebered Ben's name). In my haste to go to the ER, I left Ben's stroller at home. So I have an exhausted, fidgety baby, who was drooling on my shoulder so exxcessivly that I looked like I put on a wet shirt. Ben was hungry, so I fed him a bottle. As I was burping him, he puked. Everywhere. Gallons of puke. All over me. With no change of clothes for myself. SHIT. I lost it. I started crying. I had reached my breaking point. I kept it together on the outside, but inside, I was a wreck. Other parents ran to get a nurse and to get me some damp towels to clean ourselves off. One woman offered to watch Ben while I went to the bathroom, but I didn't know her, so I declined. But she was very sweet and there with her own baby girl. The Family Liaison worker came over to see what she could do, and I asked her for scrubs, and for a basinette of some sort, since Ben was psychotic from lack of sleep i twas 7pm, but he missed his nap, and he was exhausted). She came back with scrubs, and a gigantic basinette. It looked like a single bed made into a wheelbarrow. The FL held Ben while I went to tthe bathroom to suit up into my scrubs. As I got out, they finally called him to go into triage. We had been waiting about an hour. They felt pretty strongly that Ben had a respitory virus. The gave him a nebulizer treatment. He actually complied this time. Last time, he got so hysterical that they decided not to continue. So, his lungs were slightly wheezy, but that resolved. Which leaves us with the UA...... Ben hadn't eaten in hours,a nd what he did eat was puked all over me. They had to cathatererize him to get a urine sample. Nothing. Bone dry. I gave him pedialyte while he was on the table, tubes all up in his business, with nurses holding him down. He slugged 4 ounces down in like a minute. No results. I gae him 6 more ounces. No results. They took outthe cath and put a bag on him to catch any urine, should he pee. Otherwise, they'd cath him again in an hour. Ben finally peed, they took the urine for cultures.....no UTI. Whew. The end result, after being at the ER for 6 hors start to finish, was that he has a slight respitory virus, which is causing the fever. It is NOT RSV again. I have to give him small amount of liquids every hour, so I'll get pedialye today once the store opens. I'm alternating tylenol and motrin, should the fever come back. I am once again grateful for Children's Hospital. The staff were amazing. I told the FL clincian at one point that I knew she wasn't there to only help me, and that I appreciated her finding me supplies. She told me that parents forget everything when they go to the ER. Which is why I will always go back there, shoud we need it again. The parents in the waiting room were very sweet and understanding as well. Ben did not hold up his end of the bargain. He agreed to not go back to CH unless it was for a well-visit. I'll have a long talk with him today about it. Motherhood is not for the weak. Happy Mother's Day!!! Current Mood: relieved | | Saturday, May 9th, 2009 | | 10:54 pm |
ER
I'll post details later, but Ben and I spent Shabbat afternoon and Saturday night at the ER at Children's Hospital. He's fine. We're home. I've aged like 5 years. I drove on Shabbat. Oh well. My kid's healthy now. | | Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 | | 10:06 pm |
a realization
This Mother's Day, I will be celebrating. As a mom.Commence crying. Current Mood: grateful |
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